My roommate Trent and I wrote a script for a new Spider-Man movie. The Studio* was interested in buying it so they sent a dude to Madison to negotiate the sale. The dude was Patton Oswalt for some of the dream but most of the time he was just a dude who kind of looked like Patton Oswalt.
Studio Guy said The Studio was really interested in our script because in it, Spider-Man was in a gay relationship with The Flash** and they wanted to cash in on the buzz that Deadpool was getting for having a pansexual hero.***
Studio Guy offered $1400 and said the biggest payout for this is that we would now be in a position to write more scripts for Hollywood. You know, the old, “you’ll get great exposure from this” thing. Trent said “sold” before I could say anything. We were in a meeting and I didn’t want to undermine our position by arguing with Trent about it so we ended up selling our screenplay for $1400. Afterwards I chewed out Trent and told him we could’ve at least gotten $2000. “That’s a grand apiece, bro!” I said.
I remember being really excited cause now when I met people I could introduce Trent as my “writing partner” which sounds way cooler than “roommate.”
For some reason Trent and I decided not to go public about this sale even though we were super excited. We wanted to make sure the movie actually got made before we went around bragging that we wrote it. I went to a baseball game and found a random group of people and told them since I needed to tell someone.
*The Studio had a name and I think it started with an M but I don’t remember because I’m a human being and I don’t have total recall when it comes to dreams. It’s the way dreams work. Look it up, jerks.
**I know, Spidey is Marvel and The Flash is DC. It was a dream, remember?
***Not dream-related: Captain Jack Harkness was pansexual way before Deadpool was, so get off it. Also, superhero movies have been doing the bisexual thing with female heroes for years. Saying Deadpool’s queerness is revolutionary is effectively saying that women don’t count.