Last Night’s Dream: Nate Goes To Hollywood (or: Queer Spidey)

My roommate Trent and I wrote a script for a new Spider-Man movie. The Studio* was interested in buying it so they sent a dude to Madison to negotiate the sale. The dude was Patton Oswalt for some of the dream but most of the time he was just a dude who kind of looked like Patton Oswalt.

Studio Guy said The Studio was really interested in our script because in it, Spider-Man was in a gay relationship with The Flash** and they wanted to cash in on the buzz that Deadpool was getting for having a pansexual hero.***

Studio Guy offered $1400 and said the biggest payout for this is that we would now be in a position to write more scripts for Hollywood. You know, the old, “you’ll get great exposure from this” thing. Trent said “sold” before I could say anything. We were in a meeting and I didn’t want to undermine our position by arguing with Trent about it so we ended up selling our screenplay for $1400. Afterwards I chewed out Trent and told him we could’ve at least gotten $2000. “That’s a grand apiece, bro!” I said.

I remember being really excited cause now when I met people I could introduce Trent as my “writing partner” which sounds way cooler than “roommate.”

For some reason Trent and I decided not to go public about this sale even though we were super excited. We wanted to make sure the movie actually got made before we went around bragging that we wrote it. I went to a baseball game and found a random group of people and told them since I needed to tell someone.

The End


*The Studio had a name and I think it started with an M but I don’t remember because I’m a human being and I don’t have total recall when it comes to dreams. It’s the way dreams work. Look it up, jerks.

**I know, Spidey is Marvel and The Flash is DC. It was a dream, remember?

***Not dream-related: Captain Jack Harkness was pansexual way before Deadpool was, so get off it. Also, superhero movies have been doing the bisexual thing with female heroes for years. Saying Deadpool’s queerness is revolutionary is effectively saying that women don’t count.

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New song: Ghost Agent Keen (feat. Levi Bjork)

Check it out.

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New Album!

Check out my album inspired by Under The Dome

bridge party 6


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Here’s A List Of 10 Jacks From Best To Worst

1. Jack Reacher

jack reacher


2. Jack Bauer

jack bauer

3. Jack Black

jack black

4. Jack Ryan

Jack ryan

5. Jackie Robinson

jackie robinson

6. Jack Johnson

jack johnson

7. Jack Skellington


8. Jack White

jack white

9. Jack The Ripper

jack the ripper

1o. Jack from Lost

jack from lost

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Online IQ Test!

Hey guys, take this short and simple IQ test and post your results on Facebook!


Question 1: Do you believe that IQ tests not administered by psychiatric or medical professionals are accurate?

Question 2: Do you believe that taking IQ tests regularly can produce accurate results instead of just teaching you how to score higher on IQ tests?


Congratulations! Your IQ is 132, just like all your friends somehow!

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News: Album coming out in September

I guess I should probably start talking about this more to generate “buzz” or whatever.

I’m releasing an album of original music in September. I wrote all the songs and played all the instruments. Mixed, engineered, and produced by Brendan Franklin at Chez Bigfoot. He also served as my compositional consultant and helped make all the songs better. I’m really happy with how everything sounds so far.

About the album: it’s a 13 track concept album inspired by season 1 of the CBS show Under The Dome. The target audience needs not be familiar with the show. I did this as a compositional exercise.

I will be releasing the album digitally and I want everyone to listen to it when it comes out. I’m really proud of it.

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last night’s dream: Nate Becomes the Boss

In my dream, my dad wasn’t a youth minister and ceramicist but was actually the founder and CEO of some company that manufactured something. He was still Jim Bjork, he just had a different job. Anyway, he retired so I took over the company.

I had never had any interest in the Bjork Foundation (that was the name of the company) and I wasn’t even sure what they did but I stepped into the CEO role anyway. All I knew was the Bjork Foundation’s main competitor was a company called Stage 3 and the rumor was that Stage 3 was going to make a move against the Bjork Foundation during this transitional period.

The night before I took over, I was doing research and had a really great idea that would help my company and predict what Stage 3’s next moves were. I came up with a brilliant strategy. I wish I remembered it because I think it was brilliant. It involved two approaches I think.

Anyway, I held a day-long company-wide meeting for my first day to introduce myself and present my plan for dealing with Stage 3. I was met with some resistance. Half the crowd was young people fresh out of college who didn’t have the attention span to follow my plan. I could tell they wanted flashy stuff and icebreakers and stuff. The other half was the “old guard” – people who helped my dad start the company way back in the olden days. I could see them thinking, “I remember when Nate was a little kid running around here, and now he thinks he can be the boss?” I knew I had to win over the people I could and I would need to start giving promotions and raises to the best people to keep them with the company and prevent them from going to Stage 3.

“Mr. Bjork,” one person began when the floor was given to him. “Mr. Bjork is my fathers-,” I began, then stopped. I remembered that these people had actually worked with my father. “How many of you actually called Jim ‘Mr. Bjork’?” I asked. They all laughed. I said, “if you called my dad Jim then you can call me Nate.” I was starting to win them over.

We broke for lunch.

After lunch, only half the people came back to the meeting on time. The rest of the company was over 15 minutes late. While I was waiting for everyone to reconvene I considered firing all the late-returners so I could set a precedent that I was to be taken seriously. I decided against that but I did give everyone who came back on time a 10% raise on the spot.

The next day I had a smaller meeting with just the management team. I realized I didn’t know a single person’s name and so to hide that fact I said, “let’s all go around and introduce ourselves and talk about what we do here at B3.” Oh yeah, forgot to mention – at some point I renamed the Bjork Foundation to B3.

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ultrashort movie review: Inside Llewyn Davis **

Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) Poster

I saw this a week ago and still don’t know how much I like it. I really liked the music. I’ll definitely grab the soundtrack. Aside from that, I don’t think this is among the Coen Brothers’s best work. The characters weren’t really likeable and the pacing was too slow. But the cat was cute.

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Valentine’s Day Thoughts

“Valentine’s Day is so corporate.”

Yes, Valentine’s Day is the only holiday that is exploited by businesses who want to make money. You nailed it.

“Valentine’s Day is a made-up holiday.”

Yep. No other holiday has been made up by anyone else. Arbor Day just happened on its own. God created President’s Day.

“I just don’t like the message of the holiday.”

Yeah, it’s a really harmful message. Love. That’s what’s wrong with this world. Too much love.

“I don’t need some arbitrary day to show someone I love them. I do that 365 days a year.”

Yeah, I can tell. You seem like a really loving and gracious person.

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ultrashort movie review: American Hustle ***

American Hustle (2013) Poster

This is a fine movie. It’s fun, there are definitely funny moments, it kept me intrigued. Amy Adams shows lots of side-boob which is nice. Everyone in this movie is a pro but Jeremy Renner steals the show. Oh, and I didn’t know Louis C.K. was going to be in this so that was a pleasant surprise.

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